I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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