just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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