you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
