I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
