pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Apparently you make a good broom.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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