TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
