I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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