It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
