If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
