I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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