Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
whose parrot is this?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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