You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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