why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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