Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize