i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drake has all the answers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
