If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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