then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
