Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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