We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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