Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
