youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
