somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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