I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
