I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
