I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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