He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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