Where is the hickey?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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