im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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