Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
