How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
