I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
