Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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