i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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