It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize