i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
