You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
