maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
