OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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