We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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