I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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