I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
