Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
