oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
