you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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