im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
