every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she peed on how many people?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
