lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
