Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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