It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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