Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
