Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
