I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize