He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize