I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
