Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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