He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
