He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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