I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
