i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
