Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize