I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
