is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
