and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
