So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
