Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
