STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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