he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
