Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
