so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
is it fun? or sober?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
