At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
