I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
