Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
